Curating The Right Relationships

You’ve got big goals, big dreams, and big items on that to-do list to make it happen. But do you have the support team that you really need?

What do you do about the relationships in your life that are not exactly fulfilling? Or maybe even detracting from your success?

This week on The CRUSH Method Show we are tackling the question of what do you need to do to make sure that you are socially supported in making progress toward your dreams and living a life of purpose.

In the episode, we explore:

• The significance of social relationships when curating your performance
• How to assess your current social surroundings to identify where support might be needed
• The key roles in your social support structure
• What to do about existing relationships that are either detracting or not supporting your future identity and ambitions
• Where to go to find new connections and relationships

When people hire us to help, it’s always with a transition in mind, whether it’s transitioning from a full-time corporate career to entrepreneur life, or transitioning from one state of health to a greater state of health, or when navigating new and exciting relationships and other life opportunities, we can’t talk about significant change without acknowledging the role of our most important relationships.

We weren’t always conscious or aware of the relationships that we were consistently curating, but there have been a few times when we’ve looked at our goals, and looked at the ambitions of our friends and realized “oh my gosh, there is not strong alignment here”.

This is not to say that we advocate dumping your friends!

On the contrary, we are saying that this is an indicator that we need to make room for the friends that will support the goals, and we need to find friends to support in their goals, too.

Complacency in our goals is easier when no one around us has the same level of ambition, so we need to be diligent in curating relationships around us to support our overall goals.

This can certainly be challenging to do, especially if you have never intentionally done so, and in this episode of The CRUSH Method Show we share some specific strategies that we have used to add to our social circle and spend more time with the people that are building to the same level and direction we are for our goals.

When you’re considering these relationships, it may also be a good time to consider your mentorship and coaching roles… do you have people that are invested in your success in a leadership capacity as well?

Jim Rohn said that you are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with, so be sure to pick and cultivate the relationships that will elevate you, and them, to new heights of living on purpose, in high performance, and in contribution.

Remember, you don’t need certain people to be supportive of your goals, but you do need to have some people cheering you on along the way, and it’s up to you to reach out, connect, and contribute to others.

The Importance of Curating The Right Relationships

Transcript of The CRUSH Method Show - January 16, 2020

Hey, welcome to the CRUSH Method Show. My name is Amanda Kaufman and I'm Chris Lavelle and we're married and we work together. Building coaching businesses we have worked with people on their performance over the years, and we work with coaches building their businesses as well. And welcome to our show. So today we're gonna talk about a really important element of your holistic performance. So if you happen to be a coach or you happen to be not a coach, this is a really good episode to pay attention to.

It doesn't matter if you're building a business or not. This can actually help you in all aspects of your life. And the first thing we want to talk about were your relationships, the social side of being a social creature. Absolutely. Humans are very, very social creatures. We need social interaction. Absolutely. But not all interactions are created equal or serve you equally. I remember the first time I really read about relationships as it relates to performance, and I was initially a bit skeptical about even talking about it.

Well, you know, a lot of when you're growing up, people really talk to you about making sure that you invest in your friendships per se and making sure that the right friendships for where you want to go in life. Nobody talks to you about that. When you're a kid growing up, it's something you come to laters in life. Maybe when you made some bad decisions. So true, like I would even go so far as to say, society often will give us a lot of encouragement to sometimes do the wrong things when it comes to our relationships.

So, for example, you know this idea that you need to be friends forever or friends with everybody, right? Or that somehow if if a relationship is not working out that that is your shortcoming as a human, or you should work on it forever to get it to work. And look how that shows up praying sometimes that doesn't serve very well. It doesn't. It doesn't. I mean, look at the divorce rates. Look at how miserable sometimes people can get because we're sure they're in toxic relationships.

So I'm not talking about trauma today. I'm not talking about anything like this. I really want you to think about this more in the context of high performance and personal development and high performance relationships is a natural corollary. Absolutely, Jim Rohn said that you are the average of the five people that you spend the most time with. And isn't that just so true? Absolutely, Absolutely. Fortunately, for me you want to find is you, and one of mine is, you know that it's so obviously you're spousal.

Decisions are important. But I would say like every relationship and relationships permeate every Absolutely it could be how you treat the person helps bag your groceries all the way up to those formal kind of legal relationships that you might have with people or business relationships.

You know, even family relationships, your Uncle Fred and an end Exactly. So the subject of social is really,

really huge. What we wanted to do today is really talked to you about it. In the context of achieving your goals,

I'm guessing if you listen to the show, if you happen to be a coach or you happen to be working in the area of personal development,

you're probably in the business of helping improve the circumstances of your fellow human being. Absolutely. And so in that context.

It booze you to think a little bit. Well, who are my friends that could help me on this?

And then I should be spending more time with, maybe or developing deeper relationships with. I defaulted on my friendships and relationships for a long time,

and what I mean by that is that I really just allowed whatever relationships toe happen that were around me and kind of convenient to my situation.

I wasn't his mindful about the kinds of conversation. Sorry, the types of relationships that I was, you know,

really investing in. And that's something that's changed dramatically in the last five years or so. Well, absolutely.

I mean, as you're trying to create something you really need to think about the assets that can help you created and relationships or one of those key assets to exactly so,

whether it's you know, what relationships you're having with people who you might potentially be working within your business,

possible clients, possible clients or potential partnerships of people that I work with. It could be people that you invite to work for you because,

you know, we always say you're the CEO of your business. If you happen to be building a coaching business.

And so those relationships are really, really important as well. So I think if we leave those things to chance,

chances are we're going to wind up with an average kind of a result in an average sort of an outcome.

You know, any time you just kind of let things evolve without kind of a thought towards, what's the plan for it,

so to speak? Well, then you wind up being subject to, instead of being the leader off,

whatever your plan is. And that's true in relationships as well. So we're not saying you need to be Machiavellian about it.

That's not what we're talking about, what we're saying instead, to be conscious of who are my friends,

for example, who are my friends that are gonna help me on this journey or who are my friends that maybe shouldn't help me on this journey right?

And I found it really helpful to kind of take a holistic picture. So I remember when I was starting out on this entrepreneurial journey,

I wanted to radically change my career, and I wanted to make some other radical life changes as well.

In terms of how it was spending my time, my physical held my emotional health, all these different things,

and I I didn't necessarily. I'm not advocating that you pick on any of your existing friends. But I was looking at some of the commonalities that my my friends had at the time,

and I was like, Wow, nobody is running their own business in a serious way, right? A lot of my friends were struggling with going to the gym really regularly and those kinds of lifestyle habits that I wanted to pick up our being satisfied with where they were going in their career or otherwise.

And this is not a judgment for where for where they were or anything like that. But I want you to think about it in your life.

How is that influencing your choices and your decisions? So rather than saying, Hey, let's just like torch all those relationships started torch both of friendships.

Instead, I said, Who do I need to add to my life? Where do I need to make sure that I am spending time with people who have the kinds of goals and ambitions and aspirations that I have?

Well, absolutely no to your point of not tryingto cut people out of your life per se. I mentioned Uncle Frank and Aunt Edna earlier.

They're family. You can't get away from them at holiday parties and things like that. But it doesn't mean that you need to discuss your business with people who maybe don't know anything about that kind of business.

Doesn't mean that their perspective carries any potential. Wait in the areas you're trying to grow and if they don't have experience in those areas and a lot of people don't know this,

but But I started this business a little bit before you were necessarily reward with you. And so I remember at that Stage two,

I was looking for mentorship and advice, and I couldn't really talk to you and have any background on you.

I mean, you kept me in the loops, and I actually learned a lot from that process. But it's not something I could give you recommendations on exactly.

You were supportive, you know, as a husband who was working in another job and not necessarily focus on those things.

So that kind of leads to the next takeaway for today's show that you really want to think? About what?

What do you need? So give it some conscious thought. For example, what support do you need?

What kind of relationships? Maybe. Are you missing right now? What kind of support is another way to say that?

Are you missing right now? And you could use on your journey? Do you have a mentor? For example?

That's a key. Want someone who has been there and done that? I know when I started really focusing on my physical health,

it's been really important for me to work with a trainer like really important, because I had years of not knowing what to do when I go to the gym,

and I have this expectation that we just walk into the gym and know what to do. Magically, I do it.

I did not know what to do. So you know what again? That's a great example of not all relationships are equal because you had multiple trainers through the years.

Some were great somewhere, not so great, and some were fantastic. And sometimes you have to say,

you know, maybe that's not the one I need for where I am now and where I want to go now,

but maybe in the future that someone I can come back to such a great point. So I think it brings all of this intentionality to like,

What is it that you do need? Sometimes you also just need a friend like it's just somebody to kibitz with and,

you know, sympathetic ear. And that's fine. That's what that particular role is for. For that friend.

There's nothing right wrong or indifferent about it. You just recognize that's the support I need. And this is a relationship that will give it to me.

Of course, you have to be willing to do the same yourself. Exactly. And that brings us to our third point today,

which is Well, okay, I I have a good stock of who I'm surrounded by. I understand what I need,

and maybe I've got some gaps. So then what do you do about it? How do you fill those gaps?

Where do you go to solve those needs? Once you decided what those needs are exactly. So one of the first things Chris and I did when we realized that yes,

we want to be high performing coaches. We want to have for the business is exactly one of the first most meaningful steps that I took was to join a community of at first was female entrepreneurs.

And then they added a mastermind. We joined a mastermind absolutely like minded people on a similar journey. Some of them were much further in their journey than we were at the time.

Some of them were right where we are, and some of them were even more beginner than we were at that time.

But it was a great opportunity for us to then have a mix of people that released moving in the same right direction that we wanted to go in,

and then that gave us a chance to say, Okay, well, amongst this population, which ones?

They're a great fit for just being buddies. Which ones are great fits for affiliate? Which one are more mentor roles?

Which ones are ones that maybe we could mentor and therefore teach even deeper learning's to ourselves? Exactly. So whether it's local networking or joining a formal mastermind or virtual mastermind,

you know it's getting easier and easier to find communities of people that have similar goals somewhere value sense to you and to make the time to actually go and being present and be an enthusiastic participant.

I think one of the biggest things that I see right now in the world honestly not just among coaches and the coaching industry is a bit of a withdrawal in general from having deeper relationships.

And I think it's costing a lot of people their happiness, their sense of connection, their sense of ability to have support for their goals in their dreams.

And we don't want that for you. Yeah, especially social people. Absolutely exact. Absolutely. We'll just like in most things in life,

you get what you put into it, and the same is true in relationships. And it's also absolutely true that you can let them just kind of happened by happenstance.

Or you could take a conscious decision to actually grow them the way you want them to grow. One way is your agenda in line with your goals and one is honestly no goals or somebody else's goals that will make a conscious decision,

guys. Exactly, exactly. So we hope you found this to be really, really helpful and we'll see you again next time on the crush method show.

Hey there. Thanks for tuning into this week's The Crush Method Video log. I'm Amanda Kaufman and I'm Chris Lovell.

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